IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT. MAXIM ’ S GUIDE TO SURVIVING THE APOCALYPSE.

IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT
MAXIM ’ S GUIDE TO SURVIVING THE APOCALYPSE
ARMAGEDDON MAY BE UPON US, BUT FEAR NOT: ANYONE WHO HAS READ THE BIBLE OR SEEN RESIDENT EVIL KNOWS THAT EVERY APOCALYPSE HAS SURVIVORS – INCLUDING SCANTILY-CLAD HOT ONES WHO LOOK LIKE MILLA JOVOVICH. AND WE’VE GOT THE TOOLS YOU’LL NEED TO MAKE IT OUT ALIVE WHEN JUDGMENT DAY ARRIVES. BUST OUT THE DUCT TAPE!

ELEVATED THREAT LEVEL WORLD WAR III

Sure, he’s got a fantastic jump shot, but in a volatile world filled with Ahmadinejads and Abu Nazir wannabes, does returning president Barack Obama have what it takes to protect the free world from global conflict? On one hand, US relations with Russia have become increasingly chilly ever since they invaded Georgia in 2008. Meanwhile, the pissing contest with Iran has yet to extinguish their nuclear ambitions, and reports claim they have enough nuke juice for a functioning bomb. Add deeply troubling conditions in Afghanistan, Syria, Iraq, Pakistan, Lebanon, and North Korea to the overheated stew and suddenly Kennedy’s big ‘test’ – the Cuban missile crisis – feels like a high school production of Mamma Mia! If WWIII is on its way, is it just a matter of time before there are mushroom clouds in democracy’s backyard? Because, you know, that would totally f—k up those agapanthus we just planted back there.

SURVIVAL KIT: Radiation suit, duct tape.
WHERE TO GO FOR SANCTUARY: You’re already here. Anyone who’s seen any postapocalyptic movies knows the world ultimately looks like Australia, so best get used to the terrain and bush tucker rations sooner rather
than later. Learn how to convert a battered old Torana into a tank when you get the chance.
PROS: We rarely get directly affected by war.
CONS: Widespread casualties worldwide and mutant radioactive zombies.
WHEN WILL THIS HAPPEN? We doubt you’ll need to build a bomb shelter or practice ducking beneath a school desk anytime soon. Even still, you can get an insight on what to do in the instance WWIII eventuates by playing
the new CoD.

LOW THREAT LEVEL THE RAPTURE
According to a Time/CNN poll, 59 per cent of Americans believe the biblical ending depicted in the book of Revelation will come to pass. If they’re right, the Earth shall soon become an especially bad Michael Bay movie filled with demons, plagues of locusts, rivers of blood, and robots (we hope). On the bright side (at least for believers): Before the planet goes to hell in a handbasket, the Rapture will arrive. Christians will be whisked away to the heavens to meet Jesus, thanking their lucky stars they weren’t left behind with the world’s Muslims, Hindus, Jews, and men’s magazine staff to face a bloody Armageddon. “The Rapture is imminent,” says RaptureReady.com’s general editor, Terry James. “Millions of Christians are going to disappear.” And according to most evangelicals, our only hope is to convert before the Rapture occurs. Guess we’d better get to church and start looking for a nice Buddhist couple to feed the cats.

SURVIVAL KIT: Jesus Is The Reason for The Season sweater, a copy of that footprints-in-the-sand story, duct tape.
WHERE TO GO FOR SANCTUARY: The Bible Belt. Duh, ignorant heathen scum.
PROS: No collection plate.
CONS: Itchy church pants.
WHEN WILL THIS HAPPEN? Tim LaHaye, co-author of the Christian doom and gloom Left Behind series, say Israel holds the key. Matthew 24:34 suggests that once Israel becomes a state, as it did in 1948, a “generation shall not pass” before Armageddon arrives. Since some biblical scholars qualify a biblical generation as being 40 years, many predicted the Rapture/Armageddon would happen by 1988. Now many say we should forget the 1948 date and focus on Israel’s Six Day War in 1967. Which should put the Rapture right about… uh-oh.

LOW THREAT LEVEL A RMAGEDDON 2012
You’ll probably recall that New Year’s Eve 1999 was filled with lots of apocalyptic anxiety. That was nothing. The real doomsday jitters will arrive on December 21, 2012, when the 5,125-year cycle that makes up the
Mayans’ calendar system officially comes to a close. Some, including the authors of The Bible Code and The Nostradamus Code, have predicted that an enormous comet or meteor will destroy the Earth during this
fateful year. Or worse, says Lawrence E. Joseph, author of Apocalypse 2012: An Investigation Into Civilization’s End, “The next peak in the sunspot cycle, due in 2012, is widely expected to set records for the number and intensity
of solar storms pummelling the Earth with radiation and igniting natural calamities such as earthquakes, volcanoes, and Katrina-size hurricanes.” And we thought sitting through Apocalypto was bad.

SURVIVAL KIT: Sunscreen (SPF 90+), non-Mesoamerican calendar, duct tape.
WHERE TO GO FOR SANCTUARY: Start investing in a moon plot. If the Earth’s gone, even Survivorman and MacGyver are going to have a tough time improvising.
PROS: Some, like Daniel Pinchbeck, author of 2012: The Return of Quetzalcoatl, believe an upcoming evolution in consciousness will make humans smarter. Possibly even smart enough to pronounce “Quetzalcoatl” properly.
CONS: We’re gonna get screwed on all those 2013 T-shirts that we invested in.
WHEN WILL THIS HAPPEN? The precise time the Mayan calendar comes to its conclusion is December 21, 2012, at 11:11pm, Universal Time. Bummer – that’s right in the middle of fap o'clock!

ELEVATED THREAT PENICILLIN-PROOF BUGS
There’s an incredibly scary, medically induced health-care crisis happening right now – and we’re not talking about our crippling addiction to codeine. The meds that people have been counting on for decades to treat everything from pneumonia to tuberculosis to those burning sensations in the pee-pee department are becoming useless. Turns out the overuse of antibiotics has caused many previously treatable bacteria and germs to evolve into badass, drugresistant superbugs. For a nightmarish example, there’s the drug-resistant staph infection known as MRSA, which was responsible for more than 18,000 deaths in 2007 in the United States alone, according to the Centers for Disease Control. Germophobes who are afraid to touch anything at the doctor’s office may be onto something: More than 100,000 Americans die each year from hospitalacquired infections. So warns the Food
and Drug Administration, “the world could be faced with previously treatable diseases that have once again become untreatable, as in the days before antibiotics were developed”. Crippling plague, anyone?

SURVIVAL KIT: Condoms, antibacterial soap, cootie spray, duct tape.
WHERE TO GO FOR SANCTUARY: Inside an impenetrable bubble.
PROS: It’s a great excuse for skipping the gym, which is a breeding ground for bacteria and staph infections.
CONS: Without penicillin, you can add untreatable gonorrhea to your list of concerns after sleeping with that skanky cashier from Hot Dollar with the lazy eye.
WHEN WILL THIS HAPPEN? Why waste time? Go pick up a potentially deadly staph infection at your nearest hospital, gym, or high school locker room today!

SEVERE THREAT LEVEL OUR FEVERISH BIOSPHERE
The weather is getting weirder by the day. Headlines are filled with evidence of terrifying climate change: record-setting droughts, horrible floods, extinction of species, ruined ski trips. Global warming is as “frightening as a science fiction movie”, said U.N. Secretary- General Ban Ki-moon after citing an international study that stated, if we don’t take drastic measures, we’ve got nothing but good times to look forward to: An estimated 75 million-to-250 million people in Africa could be hit with brutal water shortages, and 25 per cent of the planet’s animal and plant life could die off by 2020. Nice knowing you, African viviparous toad! Of course, some still think climate change is a lot of hot air but it’s getting harder to deny that the planet seems to have a lethal hangover from its extended bender with the human race

SURVIVAL KIT: Yacht with a wet bar, bathing suit, air conditioner, duct tape.
WHERE TO GO FOR SANCTUARY: Tibet. You can brush up on your Buddhism while avoiding the rising seas in the Himalayas.
PROS: You’ll be able to buy that perfect beachfront home – in central Australia.
CONS: More men wearing thongs and hot pants in July.
WHEN WILL THIS HAPPEN? Most experts believe climate change is already happening and will get worse in the immediate future unless we make serious changes now. Fine, we’ll only use half a bottle of hair lacquer
on our coif before we go out clubbing.

GUARDED THREAT LEVEL NANOBIOBOTS GONE WILD !
In the very near future, your insides may be crawling with thousands of selfpropelled robotic organisms – known as nanobiobots – that diagnose disease, clean up your arteries, and even fight cancer. But there’s a catch: Many scientists worry that the endgame will be an army of dangerous, self-replicating nanobiobots that will reproduce at alarming rates and turn the planet into a big ball of so-called “grey goo”. Michael Crichton’s Prey, among other science fiction novels, addressed the grey goo scenario, and many experts agree that it’s a legitimate threat. “[Grey goo] will have the ability to feed on us until we are extinct,” says Alan H. Goldstein, a prize-winning researcher
in nanobiotechnology and unflappable optimist. At least the homicidal robots in The Terminator had funny accents!

SURVIVAL KIT: Teflon body suit, goo repellent, duct tape.
WHERE TO GO FOR SANCTUARY: Canberra. Not even flesh-eating nanobiobots want to go to Canberra.
PROS: The grey goo would engulf Ashton Kutcher.
CONS: The grey goo would engulf you.
WHEN WILL THIS HAPPEN? Scientists believe that nanobiobots will be used to battle cancer and other diseases in the next couple years, so pretty soon after that. Yikes!
Best Roach Killer 2020 Best Wood Glue Best Power Inverter
Best Electric Knife Sharpener Best Outdoor Solar Lights Best Lawn Fertilizer
Best Wood Stove Best Insect Repellent Best Deer Repellent
Best Drain Cleaner Best Lawn Edger Best Gaming Monitor
Best Memory Foam Mattress Best Gaming Keyboarda Best Air Mattress
Best Air Fryer Best Gaming Mouse Best Coffee Grinder
Best Gaming Headset Best Gaming Chair Best Tool Belt
Best Soldering Iron Best Pruning Saw Best Backpacking Tent
Best Torque Wrench Best Car Battery Charger Best Adjustable Wrench
Best Digital Caliper Best Concrete Cleaner Best Cordless Screwdriver
facts about Italy facts about Germany facts about Poland
facts about France facts about Hollland facts about Mexico
facts about Peru facts about Spain facts about Pakistan
facts about Costa Rica facts about Ireland facts about Egypt
facts about Jordan facts about Armenia facts about Israel
facts about Philippines facts about Panama facts about Russia
facts about Madagascar facts about Haiti facts about Hong Kong
facts about Bahamas facts about Kenya facts about Benin
facts about Guyana facts about Tunisia facts about Malawi
facts about Norway facts about Scotland facts about Sweden
facts about North Korea facts about Bolivia facts about Argentina
facts about England facts about Portugal facts about Finland
facts about Malaysia facts about Greece facts about Canada
facts about Croatia facts about Cambodia facts about Bangladesh
facts about South Africa facts about Hungary facts about New Zealand
facts about China facts about Thailand facts about Vietnam
facts about Saudi arabia facts about Iceland facts about Venezuela
facts about Ireland facts about India facts about Chile
facts about Indonesia facts about Singapore facts about Jamaica
facts about Japan facts about Brazil facts about South Korea
facts about canada facts about Italy facts about Columbia
facts about Mexico facts about USA weird facts North Korea
facts about Slovenia facts about Australia facts about Country
simple facts Venezuela simple facts South Korea simple facts New Zealand
simple facts Jamaica simple facts Greece simple facts Canada
simple facts China simple facts England simple facts Argentina
simple facts Bolivia simple facts South Africa simple facts India
simple facts Thailand simple facts Australia simple facts Bangladesh
simple facts Japan simple facts USA simple facts Czech
simple facts St.Vincent simple facts Ivory Coast simple facts Switzeland
structured settlement company structured settlements annuities structured settlement buyer
small business administration structured settlement purchasers houston tx auto insurance
selling structured settlement selling annuity structered settlement
caraccidentlawyer auto accident attorney Torrance attorney orange county
attorneys orange county personal injury accident lawyer car accident lawyers los angeles
cheap travel insurance los angeles motorcycle accident state of california car insurance
selling a structured settlement hughes net business structured settlement need cash
fast cash for house maritime lawyer houston personal injury attorney ocala fl
home equity loan reverse mortgage us bank home mortgage
personal loans for bad credit peer to peer lending home equity loan rates
refinance mortgage personal loan rates first time home buyer programs
cash out refinance home mortgage rates mortgage lenders
homeowners insurance home insurance state farm car insurance
comprehensive insurance commercial insurance cheap auto insurance
cheap health insurance indemnity car insurance companies
progressive quote usaa car insurance insurance near me
term life insurance auto insurance near me state farm car insurance
comprehensive insurance progressive home insurance house insurance
progressive renters insurance state farm insurance quote metlife auto insurance
best insurance companies progressive auto insurance quote cheap car insurance quotes
allstate car insurance rental car insurance car insurance online
liberty mutual car insurance cheap car insurance near me best auto insurance
home insurance companies usaa home insurance list of car insurance companies
full coverage insurance allstate insurance near me cheap insurance quotes
national insurance progressive home insurance house insurance
health insurance quotes ameritas dental state farm renters insurance
medicare supplement plans progressive renters insurance aetna providers
title insurance sr22 insurance medicare advantage plans
aetna health insurance ambetter insurance umr insurance
massmutual 401k private health insurance assurant renters insurance
assurant insurance dental insurance plans state farm insurance quote
health insurance plans workers compensation insurance geha dental
metlife auto insurance boat insurance aarp insurance
costco insurance flood insurance best insurance companies
cheap car insurance quotes best travel insurance insurance agents near me
car insurance car insurance quotes auto insurance
auto insurance quotes long term care insurance auto insurance companies
home insurance quotes cheap car insurance quotes affordable car insurance
professional liability insurance cheap car insurance near me small business insurance
vehicle insurance best auto insurance full coverage insurance
motorcycle insurance quote homeowners insurance quote errors and omissions insurance
general liability insurance best renters insurance cheap home insurance
cheap insurance near me cheap full coverage insurance cheap life insurance
horrible serial killer beautiful phenomena deadly UFO attacks
most mysterious sounds creepiest website most toxic ghost towns
coronavirus explained deepest hole in the world weirdest discoveries
what is darkest material facts about mars facts about sun
most dangerous plant most science facts most venomous snakes
most dangerous animals dangerous africa animals most venomous spider
dangerous gangs all time weird and gross candy weird history story
most bizarre hobbies most bizarre trends most banned foods
most dangerous jobs make money online way facts about Jamaica
most dangerous countries most visited cities most evil people
best airports in the world best capitals in the world best places in the world

will refinancing hurt my credit va loan multi family va loan after chapter 7 va home loan specialist us bank home mortgage top insurance companies tax debt relief program tax credit for college students structured settlement loan small business loans personal loan rates permanent life insurance payday loans online no credit check loans national guard va home loan mortgage life insurance maximum fha loan amount low cost health insurance Irs Tax Debt Relief Program how to get preapproved for a va home loan how long does a credit card balance transfer take homeowners insurance companies home loan interest rate home equity line of credit health insurance free car insurance quotes fixed annuity fha loan foreclosure waiting period does opening a checking account affect credit define insurance brokers current mortgage rates cost to refinance home loan Compare Vehicle Insurance cheap travel insurance bad credit car loans average home insurance cost